It hurt so badly! There were days when I would sit down, and tears would make their way through my tear ducts without me making a conscious effort to cry. I couldn't believe that this happened to me, me of all people? How now? This kind of thing only happened in the movies or on Linda Ikeji blog! Not Evi’s life? No never! This has to be a dream. She never for once said she was sorry; she called me a fool for wanting to believe Fisayo's side of the story over hers, like she was more trustworthy, please spare me.
Image courtesy of Pexels
She also implied that; Fisayo got with me because my father was a big shot in some oil company. He just wanted me for my money, and I was a spoiled brat! I would go to church and see her there; the pastor would be preaching, and her amen would be louder than everybody else's. During praise and worship, she jumped around the church, without any regard to the person she hurt, who once thought they were friends. I just couldn't believe that someone could be so “free” after hurting someone else, how could she be so heartless?
There were a lot of people who wanted to fight for me, but I pleaded with them not to do anything. I intentionally deferred telling my brother until things blew over. He was so hurt! He said, “Why am I the last to always be in the know.” Luckily my brother left two days before all hell was let loose. And I thank God for that because I can't say what he would have done.
So I started strategizing, maybe if I go for the first service, she wouldn't be there, and voila she would be right there sitting in front with her straight face. She never acknowledged me; I was like a non-existent thing to her. I couldn't bear it anymore, and I left to stay with my cousin for two weeks. My cousin's mom, not knowing the story, teased me saying “this one you came to visit your sister, the storm in Waco must have been fierce oh.” She was right! It was something out of a tyler perry movie! She said that because I never went to see my cousin, my cousin was the one who always came to visit me. I needed that break to pull myself back together; my family was my greatest support system during that time. Thank God for family!
Never Letting Go
I still went ahead to try and make things work with Fisayo (I know I can be very stubborn). Fisayo had little to no remorse; he started acting up again. Talking to me anyhow and using me when he felt like it. Time for him to go for training in another city came along, and I felt so broken. I was sad to see him leave. We had a huge fight the night before he left and I was so messed up inside. I tried to convince him to let me come to visit him, but he refused.
So I pulled back a little bit, and he called me one day, all upset about how I did not care for him. I was like, you didn't want me to come to see you, you don't want me to talk to you on the phone, you said you need space, so what else do you want from me? After we got off the phone that day, I noticed on Facebook that he and Lola had gone back to being friends, after I made him delete and block her. That was when I lost it finally, I sent him a long text message, expressing how I felt about what went down (maybe with some few intellectual insults), then I blocked him on all my platforms. That was how I finally closed the chapter on me and Fisayo’s whirlwind romance.
Some of the lessons I’ve learned
1) Be Spirit led and not flesh led: When I met Fisayo, it was all about his looks. I didn’t even have intentional conversations with him to get to know who he was as a person. And when the Holy Spirit tried to warn me, I flat out ignored Him and it landed me where I found myself.
2) Don’t lose yourself by trying to become something you are not for someone else: I was willing to try new things even if it centered on sin, to please Fisayo. At the time I had no standards or boundaries.
3) Know who you are in Christ: As a Christian it is very important that you know what your identity is in Jesus. If you don't know, people will define it for you. If I knew who I was in Christ, I wouldn’t have let Fisayo treat me the way he did. There were so many opportunities I had to walk away when he disrespected me, but I didn’t. My self-esteem was at zero.
4) Let go and Let God: This is a pretty cliché phrase, but it is so true. Sometimes we try to hold on to something that wasn't meant to be in our lives to begin with. Someone once used an analogy to drive this point home. He held on to a bottle of water and asked his students what will happen to the bottle if he held on to it for a few minutes, they said nothing, he said for a few hours, and they said nothing but then your hand would start hurting.
That was the point he was trying to make, when you hold on to something for so long, that thing doesn't necessarily change, you are the one who will keep hurting. Yes it is painful, yes you will cry many tears, but in the end, God's love wins. His love will heal you and carry you even in your darkest hour. God still loved me even when I was not honoring Him; He still cared enough to show me dreams and reveal things to me that I didn't know what was going on behind my back. If we step back and let Him rule our lives, we will be living our best lives here on earth. He has the best plans!
5) Be Careful Who You Call Friends: Reevaluate the friendships that you have in your life right now, ask God to reveal to you who is not for you and He would show you. Not everyone who smiles with you wishes you well. Proverbs 26:25 says “People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they are trying to deceive you. They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them; their hearts are full of many evils”. Wow! So apt to this story!
Since everything happened in 2014, Fisayo has reached out to me twice, spread out over a 16-month period, apologizing for what happened. I had to work through my emotions and forgive Lola completely, even if I never got an apology. I had to do it for my sanity, and also because I am a Christian. This was a journey, a journey which led me to find myself. I wouldn't say I have given up on this thing called love (hello! I am a hopeful romantic, thanks to shows like The Bachelor) but my guards are up because I don't want to get hurt again.
It's like I have built a prison wall around myself, not wanting to let anyone in. I pick apart what people tell me, and it has made me a huge skeptic, with me asking a million and one questions, to make sure I am not in the wrong circumstance. Some people have complained, but it will have to take that special someone to break all my walls down and prove to me that he is worthy of all that I am about. Now men are guilty until they are proven innocent in my books, (I hope I don't screw this up for my dear future husband, haha). As for friends, it takes a lot for me to open up myself to the possibility of new friendships, because I don't want to be betrayed once again. Do I need therapy?
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.