You meet a guy for the first time, and he rubs you off the right way. He knows the right things to say, he is attractive, smells nice, and dresses responsibly. From the initial conversation you've had with him, you discover he works for a great firm and has a lot to offer. After the encounter, you are excited because he seems interested in you and asked for your phone number. This guy is different, you say to yourself, he didn’t slide into my dm.
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The next day, you wait for your phone to ring, and nothing happens all day, not even a text. Well, it’s working hours, he is probably busy. Without knowing it, you are already making excuses for him. You wait patiently till about 7 pm, to give him some time to get home from work and call you or if you are in Lagos with the mad traffic, 10 pm. Still, nothing happens, and you then muster up the courage to send a text:
Girl: Hey stranger!
Boy: Hey how are you?
With you thinking—‘so he is fine, and he didn’t contact me all day.’ You then carry out an awkward conversation with him through text, awkward because you don’t feel right making the first move so to speak. This carries on for days, with him calling you when he can, and taking hours to respond to your messages, then *poof* he disappears into thin air. You may begin to question yourself: did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Maybe it’s my weight! (darn those Coldstone icecreams). A couple of days passes by, and you still don’t hear from him, then you know the inevitable has happened, you have been ghosted.
Why do Men Ghost?
Ghosting can be a very annoying phenomenon to deal with; it leaves you confused, it would have been better off if the person didn’t approach you, to begin with. I honestly don’t have a problem with a ghost who doesn’t reappear again, the ones I have an issue with, are the ones who disappear, reappear, disappear, reappear, and disappear again.
Those types are the most dangerous ones to deal with. If you are in that situation, it is time to rebuke them in the name of Jesus (haha, but I’m serious though). Those kinds of situations often leave you more confused than you started. Those ghosts, know the right things to say to you, to keep you in a corner, then go carry on, with only God knows what they do on the other side.
Men ghost because they have a lot of options. They approach you to see what you can offer them or to see if they can get something from you, which can be anything from money to sex, to unusual favors, and so on. They keep you as an option, as long as you are willing to stay that way. They have no plans of making you a priority or 'the one.'
They are busy having fun with a lot of other women that they don’t even have the time to make out for you. You are probably an afterthought to them. They only remember you when they want to get that favor, or when you pop up on their timeline; then they remember that you exist.
Some men ghost, because you are not in the same city with them, and they are not ready to commit to just you. You probably don’t have all the qualities they are looking for, and for some reason, they like to keep you around, giving you little breadcrumbs, so just in case it doesn’t work out with anyone else, they can come back to you.
Those breadcrumbs can be a text which says—thinking about you! After weeks of you both not speaking, or a phone call out of the blue, saying how much their life hasn’t been the same without you. With you getting all excited over breadcrumbs! I’ve been there. Those calls and texts are their way of checking to see if you are still available.
'Don’t make someone a priority, when all you are to them is an option.’
—unknown
How then do you avoid Ghosters?
You probably can’t stop them from approaching you, because when they first come to you, you don’t know what their intentions are. But you can quickly find that out from their behavior. A man who is interested in you will never leave you hanging. He will always want to talk to you and share his day with you, he will make you a priority, and he will communicate his intentions early enough.
He wouldn’t play games with you; he will not be here today and disappear for three days. So when you discover a guy who has those traits of being a ghost, it is better you cut him off from the beginning. If not you will deal with that vicious cycle for years.
I came to this conclusion when I dealt with a guy like this for about 9-months before I decided to cut him loose. I had to tell myself that such a guy will not show up on a date, even after he has made plans. A guy who is flaky isn’t one you want to invest in. You can’t trust such a person.
Someone who has pure intentions towards you, even if he is not sure he wants to be in a relationship with you, will be your friend, and not give you mixed signals. Once a guy ghosts you the first time, and you know all is well with him; he didn’t die, his family is okay, he didn’t lose his job, go ahead and cut him loose, it will save you a whole lot of heartache. In an episode of the 90s hit sitcom, Seinfeld, Jerry Seinfeld asked his friend, Elaine how her new boyfriend was doing; to which she responded ‘I haven’t heard from him in three weeks, so I guess the relationship is over.’
I loved her carefree approach to her so-called boyfriend’s behavior because relationships are not meant to be complicated. You are either in or out. There is no need to start decoding a guy or girl's behavior. If someone cares, they will call, except they are going through a life-changing situation, which they will communicate with you sooner or later, if you are of any importance to them. No one should give their time with a person who ghosts; they have no plans for you, other than to waste your time. So get rid of a ghost for real, and make room for a love that will last!
Who has had experiences with a person who disappears or ghosts? Share them with us in the comment section below. Remember to like, share and subscribe, never to miss an update on Let’s Talk Nation.
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About The Author: Evi Idoghor is a Christian, writer, and content creator on Letstalknationblog.com. She is a chemical engineering graduate from the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Consumed by her love for writing and desire to effect change, she launched her online platform––Let’s Talk Nation––to tap into her creativity and start meaningful conversations that would make a difference around the world.
Most of her writing has been influenced by her time spent in America, where she lived for about 11 years. Also, she lived in Nigeria and South Korea and currently loves traveling the world while learning about other fascinating cultures. You can find her on all social media platforms with @eviidoghor.